My son Tobin was 6 when I decided to start a nonprofit empowerment retreat for foster youth. Being a mother had sparked in me a deep desire to speak up for kids stuck in the foster care system who couldn’t be with their mothers or families due to circumstances out of their control. The more I researched and the more I learned, I knew I couldn’t just sit back and do nothing. I had to act.
But I was worried that my dream was going to take too much time away from Tobin. As both a mother and an entrepreneur, I found myself constantly being pulled in two directions. “How could I do both and do them well?” I asked myself. Could I take care of myself, be an amazing mother and start a nonprofit all at the same time?”
I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I decided: “Yes. I can and I will.”
But the only way this would work, I realized, was if I included Tobin in my journey. I continually explained to him what I was working on and why it mattered to me. I showed him the pictures on my wall of foster-care kids that were in need of a forever, loving home, and I told him their personal stories to create a connection. Pretty soon he knew some of the kids by name, and he was especially drawn to the one who liked to skateboard. I explained that these kids, along with my love for him, give me the strength, drive and passion to keep going and to turn this retreat into a reality.
Guilt came in waves. “How could I get this off the ground and still be a kickass mom? Was it really possible to do both?” But I decided to say goodbye to the guilt and focus on one thing at a time. I had multiple pieces of my life I knew needed my attention and love. So I continued on.
I worked side by side my little guy. As I worked, he played. And as he played, he watched. As I built a strategic plan, raising funds and projecting the numbers needed to file reports for grants, he would pitter-patter over my way to deliver some imaginary cookies and tea at my desk. Then he would scoot away to make some more. Day after day, I worked and he played. He played and he watched. My day never had a perfect flow, and no two days looked the same. But I made it work.
One afternoon, Tobin came zipping into my office with a nickel he found in the mail stack and he handed it to me, looking up with his big brown eyes.
“What’s this?” I said.
“Here Mommy, you keep it for your foster program,” he said. “You’ve raised $1,000 so far, so every kid can have some. Even if they get a penny each, that’s good!” I almost cried.
That’s when I knew that he understood. And that it was OK to do both. That’s when I realized that I am not only showing him what it’s like to go after a dream and teaching him what passionate work looks like—I was also teaching him compassion, empathy and humanity, and how one person can begin to make a difference. More important, he learned how he could make a difference, one nickel at a time.
When my program finally came to life 2-and-a-half years later, Tobin was right there with me. He got to meet some the kids from my inspiration wall and see with his own eyes one of my dreams coming to life. Best of all? Because he had seen all the hard work and dedication it took me to get there, he understood that we can accomplish anything we decide to do. He knew that one day, he could make his own dreams come true.
Today, as I continue with my entrepreneurial coaching and advocacy journey, I know that my son is always watching. So I constantly ask myself, “What am I showing him?” And we both keep learning from one another. Sometimes he even joins me in my mini-dance-party celebrations along the way.
Ready to tackle your life’s work while continuing to be a fantastic mom? Here are 10 ways you can teach your kids to dream a little dream.
- The author, Gia Duke, making dreams come true in her home office.
1. Realize that you’re their No. 1 role model. Period. Remember, they’re watching you.
2. Tell them what you’re doing. They understand more then we think. Share your projects and dreams with them. Ask them about their ideas—after all, they’re just little dreamers in the making and we learn from them too.
3. Tell them why you’re doing it—what’s your heart reason? Maybe it’s to help the family. Perhaps it’s to make a difference in the world. Sharing why the work is important to you helps your child see the deeper meanings behind things.
4. Don’t just tell them what’s possible—show them. Make it real. Show them what hard work looks like. Be an example of what you teach and preach. Show your kids that we don’t always get what we want overnight—that often satisfaction comes from overcoming challenges and following through.
5. Walk your talk. Teach your kids that they can do anything they want in life. “Watch me. Here’s how.”
6. Own what you do. Don’t apologize for working—guilt gets you nowhere and makes the ride a whole lot less fun. Show your kids you can work hard and still be their amazing mom.
7. Celebrate along the way. Chasing your dreams is rewarding, so demonstrate to your kids how you acknowledge your mini goals along the way. Dance parties and gold stars and bubble baths are part of my personal reward system. Sharing some of these treats with your kids makes the journey more fun.
8. Be present with your work and as a parent. Make a schedule and stick to it. Let your kids and your partner know what your work time is for the day so they know when they can expect your attention and when to let you work. Set a timer for working spurts. Stop when you say you will.
9. Model self-love. Show your kids what “me” time looks like. What do you do to make sure you’re taken care of? How do you nurture your soul? Body? Mind? Think morning meditation. Kickboxing class. Long walks. Reading a book. They can have me time too. Remember: What they see, they learn.
10. Don’t assume they’ll miss you or be sad that you’re working. Give them credit. Our kids are stronger, more empowered, grounded and capable then we think. By doing what you love, you’re teaching them they can pursue their dreams and make a living doing what they love. That’s a pretty powerful lesson.
—Gia Duke is a professional life coach who helps passion-fueled, purpose-driven trailblazers stand out, both on and offline, so they can make the impact they’re here to make. Find her at GiaDuke.com. To see Gia’s dream with your own eyes, check out the video for her foster-youth empowerment retreat at www.remix4youth.org
