I remember the day, in late 2008, when I walked into a bookstore and saw Jennifer Anison on the cover of GQ. Yes, that cover. She was sitting on the floor, toned legs crossed, wearing nothing but a man’s tie around her neck. When I opened the magazine, I almost gasped when I read she was about to turn 40.
Growing up, this was not how most of us pictured a women over a certain age. When I was a kid, magazine covers rarely featured a model over 30 unless she was wearing a crown or standing next to her politician husband. My mother’s generation got even more screwed-up signals about their relevance and desirability. For instance, when Anne Bancroft played the middle-aged Mrs. Robinson in 1967’s The Graduate, the actress was only 35—because God forbid we saw the bare legs of a 45-year-old.
We didn’t know it back in 2008, but Aniston was just getting warmed up with her little aging-backward trick. These days, she continues to defy the laws of gravity, fitness and career trajectory. She showed us that, during this thing called midlife, you can wear anything you want (or nothing at all). That you don’t need kids or a life partner to be personally fulfilled. That you can be the leading lady in a rom-com, or the star of your self-produced TV series. And that you can grow your hair as long as you damn well please. I remain in awe.
But it’s not just Jen.
All you have to do is look at some of the celebrities who are now 40, 50 and older to see that aging isn’t what it used to be. Today’s midlife mamas are wearing bikinis at the beach (Salma Hayek), serving as global ambassadors for cosmetics companies (Cate Blanchette), reaching the pinnacle of physical fitness (Halle Berry), reaching new career heights (Viola Davis, Nicole Kidman and Sandra Oh), even running their own corporations which they eventually sell for $900 million(Reese Witherspoon). And then there’s Jennifer Lopez. In 2019, the year she reached her half-century birthday, we all watched in admiration as she produced, starred and pole-danced in Hustlers, embarked on a world tour, and secured a gig to perform at the Super Bowl the following year. Not bad for a 50-year-old. Still, many were delighted, prompting a popular meme comparing J.Lo to Rue McLanihan from Golden Girls.
At this point, we should probably stop being shocked at how energetic, driven—and, yes, smoking hot—women can be during midlife.
And let’s not give all the credit to celebs—who, let’s face it, have access to an entourage of trainers, stylists and nutritionists. Real-life women are also setting a new standard for what middle age looks like. I don’t believe anyone in my friend set plans to grow old anytime soon. Sure, there are some who have fantasized about quitting their 9-to-5 gig and retiring on a beach in Hawaii. But I can’t count the number of 40-plus women all around me whose aspirations are on fire. They are launching companies, going back to school, switching careers, moving to new cities, getting in the best shape of their lives, even getting married for the first time. And let’s not forget that one just became the first female vice presidentof the United States.
I’ve been considering why this current crop of midlife ladies looks and acts younger than the same group a generation or two ago. Are we working harder to stay more relevant, or did we stumble upon the fountain of youth? It is true that over the past couple of decades there have been huge advances in the beauty and health industries that make it easier for us to retain our youthful glow. We have more reliable information about what to eat and how to work out than our moms and grandmas did. (Remember how they were told oils were bad and margarine was good, and went to a ladies-only gym to burn off fat (ha!) with these vibrating belts?)
However, I believe a big reason many of us feel so healthy and powerful going into middle age is that there is inspiration all around us. As more females take the helm of media and entertainment companies, as they become entrepreneurs and political figures, we are seeing more diverse examples of how our lives can be at this age. These ladies are sitting in boardrooms, standing at the podium, and raising hell on Capitol Hill. Just check out any streaming service these days and you’ll see that actresses over 40 are no longer relegated to playing the frumpy mom or the “older lady” sidekick to a younger protagonist. Middle-aged women are the leading ladies, starring in their own adventures and raising hell as the rogue detective, persistent businesswoman or fierce lead prosecutor—roles once delegated to men or younger women. At the very least, they’re still learning things about themselves and trying to make changes, like the characters in Julie Delpy’s new series On the Verge.
Also keeping us energized is the fact that we are not conforming to the path society traditionally laid out for women. We were the first group to design our own timelines for having (or not having) children, going to college, starting careers, and finding a life partner. If you look at the 40- to 60-year-old demographic, it includes the youngest of the Boomers and the oldest of the Millennials, who have just entered their 40s; most of us are Gen Xers who fall somewhere in the middle. But any of us on that spectrum can be in the same life phase at any given time. For example, a 45-year-old woman can be just starting her family or sending a child off to college. She may be launching a business, going back to school, or thinking about retiring. We are designing a life on our own terms, just as men have always done.
Finally, I do think we are young at heart because we’ve lived through a lot—multiple recessions, 9/11, the housing market collapse and now a global pandemic—so we have experience overcoming setbacks. We also have a little PTSD, feeling like we’ve had to spend time catching up. But now, we are ready to go. We are acutely aware that we can’t take anything for granted, so we work hard to stay healthy, stay on top of our finances, and stay relevant in the world.
Bottom line, ladies, is that one knows what to make of us—don’t you love it? And the best part is, we don’t need to pose naked on a magazine cover to keep them guessing. We just have to keep doing what we’re doing, enjoying our lives and making plans for the next big thing. And definitely ignoring anyone who tells us to pack it in.
This story first appeared in More Beautiful, a new website and podcast geared toward women in their 40s and 50s. Please visit More Beautiful for more stories, more conversations, and more inspiration for smart, savvy women navigating midlife.
